minirant.

It's hot out, yet it's not. 

I hate late afternoon traffic.

I hate gas prices.

I hate how the car I drive has terrible milage. 

and...

I also dislike how people are just... indescribable. I don't understand some people's thinking process. There's just no honesty in anything people do anymore. And they live their lives happily that way. I don't get it. I just don't.

And so it continues...

So because I have nothing entertaining to write about during these current times, I suppose I'll just keep doing this until I get bored with it.

6.22.01

Dear Journal, (apparently I didn't like calling it a diary much anymore)

What's goin  on? I've moved to my mom's now. I am also going out with John Hojek now... i'm on the phone with him right now... We went to the movies tonight and let's just say we really didn't watch the movie, LOL (that was because we were on a group date with like 4 other couples but Tom and someone else who was single who kept throwing pennies at us or holding our noses closed when we were making out) I like him a lot. It was kinda kool. I thought that he would never talk to me, and he thought that I was really hot. I think he is too. I like him lots, and hopefully he likes me to. (he also asked me out via AIM at Joe Petritas' house on Joe's SN. Very romantic)

7.13.01

Dear Diary, (the journal think must have just been a fluke)

Yesterday was 3 weeks. My mom still doesn't know that me and Johnny are going out. Tomorrow is my graduation party. It's gonna be weird though. 5 people that I have liked are gonna be there - Josh, Johnny, Mark, Dave, and James. (The weirdest part about the whole thing was that Dave & Rene Appel even came?)

7.18.01

Dear Diary,

My party was really fun. James Doyle, Katie Roza, Mark Ruthenburg, Bridget Mitchell, Josh Lopez, Trisha Tokarz, Johnny, Dave & Rene Appel, and my cousins came. It was so funny. Me and John were sitting on my silver chair in my room and he has his arm around me, and my mom walked in, and she still doesn't know that we're going out. She was like "What is this? The love chair?" (Yeah, she was a bitch) Oh well, Saturday is 1 month, and I gotta tell her sometime. Tomorrow I am going up to NIU with my Aunt Kelly to pick up Brandon. The bad part is that Dan is there, and he and Kerry broke up, and we said that when they broke up and I was single, we would date, but I am w/ Johnny so it's all my fault this time (Yes, I'm ruining a relationship that never happened because I was currently in one -- Good thinking, process) Lately all I can think about is Dan & John because I dunno what to do about it. I love John a lot, and I mean a lot, and then there is Dan. I've wanted Dan for a year (that's nothing...) I remember the first time I saw him, and he remembers the first time he met me, too. It was totally an instant attraction to him (probably not on his part because I was fat and had really short hair at that point. Then I lost all the weight, got boobs, and highlighed my then grown out to shoulder length hair). And then there's Mark. Josh has moved on, which I'm okay with, because as soon as me and Dan are single at the same time, it's totally gonna happen (Spoiler alert:::: NO ITS NOT). I'm gonna try and play it kool tomorrow cuz Appel is gonna be there and Johnny is one of his best friends, so if something happens, i'm in DEEP shit. Is it wrong to have thoughts about kissing another guy even when you are in love? Tomorrow I am afraid that I will end up kissin' Dan, and I really shouldn't. Like I feel if I just get rid of the urge of wanting to do it, by doing it, it'll be easier. I don't wanna break up or lose what I have with John because he is the sweetest person in the world (But, didn't I say that about Dan, and possibly Eric, too?), AND SO IS DAN, but he had his chance, so maybe now he'll feel I way I felt when I couldn't have him and had to wait. Oh well, what can ya do as John would say. LOL! Well I guess I'll write tomorrow so you know what happens.

Peace.

I was so fucking cool.

Throwbackkkkk

After reading Kellee's blog, I have to. So bad... 

2.22.01

Dear Diary,

This is the first time I've written. Today, my dad got a letter in the mail telling him to pick up a different letter from the post office. It's probably the notice that well tell him that Mom is taking him to court for custody. I really want to live with my mom, and I wish my dad could understand. I really worried though, because I hate when my dad yells at me. It's not my fault what my mom does, I'm not her, I can't control her actions. He's been making me go to a counselor, which is making everything worse, because I know he only wants me to go, to convince me to stay with him. Other than that, things are going pretty well I guess. ALL BOYS SUCK. I really like this kid Mark (I have no idea if this was Mark Ruthenburg or not), but he doesnt "like me like that." He has a g/f too. But oh well, I think he should give us a chance. But we are friends, and I DON'T want to lose that. He's been such a jerk lately though. I guess all guys are like that though. I also like this kid Dan Wagner. He's a sweetie, but he also, is taken. He's going out with this girl Jessica. Well got to go.

3.3.01

Dear Diary,

Today has been a pretty  bad day, but Ill tell you about the week first. Well, this week, my dad went to Vegas with Debbie. Anyways, I have have started to like one of my best friends, Eric Perryman. He's such an awesome kid! But anyways, he doesn't know if we'd go out because I like Mark, and they are like best friends. Me & Eric were going to date before but we decided not to. Oh well. I also like this kid Brad Gillen. "Hot Brad" is what we used to call him. He's a 7th grader, but he's such a cutie! (I have no recollection of this Brad character. Apparently I thought I was a player in 8th grade and liked at least 5 different people all at the same time?) He wears Limp Bizkit and Korn shirts (yeah. I had really bad taste.) He skateboards, too! Ok, now onto Mark. I dunno what the deal is, and I'm not even going to get into it. And OMG guess what? Dan broke up with Jessica. But he doesn't know if it was the right thing to do. (Being a pussy since 2001, niiiice.) The thing is that Jess broke up with him already, so obviously it's not working. I'll have to see what happens. Oh yes, my dad is a huge asshole. He's a freak. I know the password to the computer, and he freaked out because I was on for awhile when he wasn't home. (We had timers on our accounts of how long we could be online when I was in Jr. High. Awesome.) I had to use it for research, (i'm assuming for my 8 page fucking term paper we had to do in Hon. English that year) What was I supposed to do?? Not go on and get in trouble? NO! I don't think so. Everyone is making such a big deal out of everything lately. I'm not a bad kid, but everyone seems to think so. Oh well, screw them. If I was a terrible person I could understand, but I'm not. Well, I'll write tomorrow.

3.4.01

Dear Diary, 

Today I got an awesome watch. It's the one that I've wanted forever. Anyway, I really want a boyfriend. I think I'd be an awesome girlfriend. I dunno, but I've been really depressed lately. My dad blames me for everything. It's not like I'm stealing or something major like that. (Which, is funny because that was to come around Junior Year of high school and then the tables were turned, and he told me I should have called him to pick me up from the police station when I got arrested so I didn't get in trouble, hahah) I dunno what to do. It's so hard to talk to my dad because he freaks out about anything. Well, I'm really tired so I'll write tomorrow after that lovely speech my father will give me tomorrow.

3.6.01

Dear Diary, 

I think I'm really starting to like Eric today. (Because things things happen according to days?) I mean I used to like him, but I think I like him again. (Seriously, I was a sad, sad, person) But I still like Mark a lot. I dunno what to do! If Eric asks me out, I'll say yes. He's a QT pie (that's right, I used QT) He's such a perv though! Today he asked me to flash him in school! Sooo... My dad is such a jerk. He's a freak about the damn computer. Today in the car he lectured me on "how wrong it was to do what I did" (I don't even know what I did? It couldn't have been that bad, really.) He can kiss my ass. Maybe if I was doing something majorly wrong I could understand. (This topic again..) Okay, should I call Mark? I dunno if I should. Or should I call Eric? (Did I really think I was going to get an answer back?) That'd be kinda cool if we went out I guess. IT was so cute, I told Eric to stay for the game, and he came.

3.7.01

Dear Diary, 

I'm talking to Eric on the phone. He's being a perv again, haha. Anyways

3.8.01

Okay, sorry, I never finished last night. I was talking to Sunny after Eric had to get off the phone. He can never stay on the phone, I swear. So... let me think. Okay, yeah, yesterday my dad made me go to a lawyer. It's so gay. I wanna live with my mom, get over it. The lawyer was like wait a year to see what your feelings are, and  your mom can have another visitation with you. Whatever! I don't think so. I'll be there this weekend (my mom's). I think Dan Wagner is gonna spend the night @ Brandon's (my cousin)!! I will too if he does :). It'll be awesome because him and Jess and NOT getting back together. Well, g2g to school.

3.16.01

Dear Diary, 

Sorry I haven't written in awhile. So yeah, guess what? Next weekend, Brandon is having Dan come over! Makeout party for me! (aka the day of demise for the next 7 years of my life) Brandon wants Sunny to come with, but we have o get her to be able to come first. I dunno. We'll see what happens, I guess. Mark has been a huge liar lately. I dunno! He's so moody sometimes. OMG! Kyle Keene is in my gym now.  I HATE KYLE KEENE! He's so scummy (he really is/was) Geez! Well tonight I'm going to Mary's house. She's having her B-Day party. Her B-Day is on Tuesday though. Well, there's nothing else to write.

3.19.01

Dear Diary,

Mary's party was so fun! We took a ton of pictures. I got her AE Alive for her birthday. On Saturday I went to Orland Mall with Trisha. (I definitely remember this day for some reason). Oh my gosh. We were taking a picture and on the booth were TVs. This kid Brandon, who is 17 (mind you we're 14) was like "oh my god, you're hot, wanna make out?" I totally should have, but oh well. I'm going to be making out with Dan this weekend @ Brandon's. I'll be at my Aunt Kelly's all weekend. It's gonna be great! I really like Dan. He is seriously the sweetest kid in the world (Oh my. VOMIT). I think I just wanna stay on the Friendship* (yeah, who knows what my asterisk meant) level with Mark for right now. He has a g/f (shouldn't that have been the deal breaker anyway?) and I'll most likely end up with Wagner. I dunno what to do with myself lately! I'm so VERY mad at Eric. He's been acting really weird lately, and not in a good way. Well I'll write tomorrow, I'm tired.

And here it is, ladies and gentleman. Mark down this day for history.

3.26.01

Dear Diary, 

Oh my gosh! The best thing in the world has happened! Me and Dan hooked up over the weekend! I love him so much (Nice, Jenn.) He is the sweetest person in the world! Majority of the time we were holding hands and staring into each other's eyes. He's so gorgeous. I could so totally do him. We kissed when Brandon and Tom weren't in the room, but it was so messed up. I start out a kiss by a normal one, then into a french kiss, and he started out with a french kiss! It totally caught me off guard. #15 on the Eminem cd was playing. (How romantic. That would be track title "Bitch Please II") Then, later on, we went to the movies to see Enemy at the Gates. It was so boring, and me and Dan couldn't do anything because my uncle Steve was there. I was so mad. Tom was with us, too. I love Dan so much! I'm totally over Mark, and it feels great. Now I know what love is (yeahhhh SURE YOU DO). The Mark and Dave things were just crushes. I'm calling Dan when I get home from school, so I'll write after that.

5.24.01

Dear Diary,

Oh man! It's been a loooong time since I've written! Anyway, I still dunno who i'm gonna live with yet. They had court on Friday, but my dad didn't go, so now they postponed it until June 14th. This is sooo stressful. Dad is still making me go to therapy, and I have to go tonight. This is so gay. Last night, I talked to Tony & Melanie (my brother and his girlfriend at the time) for like an hour and found out some stuff, but nothing major, I already knew majority of it. Also Friday night, I talked to Dan and Tom for 4 hours online! Now we are "friends with benefits" (I was such a dumbass) Ah, he's so sexy! I've also had 2 boyfriends since the last time i've written, too. My first was Mike Hunt <--- yes, I know, HA HA. Anyway, that was a big deal becase Jenny Madden liked him, and he liked me, and  he kissed me in front of her, so whatever. We went out for 4 days. (HAHHHAHHA) I still like him, but he or anybody else knows that. Then there was James. (My best friend...) Ah, James. That lasted a week, and it was the same way before we started going out, so there was no point. Oh well, now he's going out with Katie R. They're so cute. (That was an infamous relationship). I heart Dan, but I don't think anything else is gonna go on between us besides just getting with each other. I don't really want a serious b/f right now anyway. I don't need to stress over that either. I'm too young to get into a big relationship because we're just gonna break up and it'll hurt a lot more. So this is the best way to go -- unless Mike wants to get back together LOL. Omg, Mary likes Ryan Keane! He's such a player, and is just gonna use to her to get back @ Sarah Zero because he still likes her. It's so stupid! I told her that i'm not gonna talk to her if she goes out with him. I seriously won't! She's so stupid sometimes. I'm also going to get my bass guitar soon -- Total score!

I'll save the start of summer for next time. 

Snapshot

So, I was just looking for a stapler in the office, which is really just the best room of the house with a shitty computer that no one uses and boxes upon boxes of shit, as well as my old couch.

But upon my lookings and non-findings of the stapler, I did find a polaroid camera. I've never had a polaroid and this excites me. I'm thinking it will definitely come in handy for Saturday night at Jessica's. 

So tomorrow, I will have to make my mom buy me some film, haha.

I'm so pathetic. 

I am getting $300.00 back in taxes, yet, $43.00 will go to my overdrawn bank account due to my mom making me buy a stupid cake (that nobody probably even ate) for $12 on Easter + a $32 overdraft fee. And another $65.00 will go to my mom for the accountant (and that's with the $50 student discount she gave me). So i'll have a whopping $190.00 instead. Sooo, that kind of blows, but $190.00 is a loooot of money to me right now, so.

-j.

Happy Birthday, Jess.

Today is Jessica's Birthday.

She's 24.

It gives us all an excuse to go out on a Wednesday night. 

I really want a cigarette. 

It's been two days.

How sad.

Also, I made a different photoblog. I still don't know how I feel about that one either. Either way, you can find it HERE!!!   

Or just click the god damn link on the side of my blog.

I've been slacking, I know.

Today is April 1st. 

And, although I wish it were an April Fools' joke, I woke up to links of the 5-alarm fire in downtown Lockport that occured this morning. 

The Tow Path Inn (which is really just a seedy motel) sits atop Dreams, a beloved Lockport bar to the younger crowd because its not quite AS trashy as the rest. Well, the Tow Path cause ablaze around 4am this morning and ruined everybody's "dreams" (Did you get that? I know, I'm witty). 

Anyway, if you really want to read about the story go here.

Or here to see a video.